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LIFE COACHING NEWSLETTER

NOVEMBER 2006

A SERIES ON THE GROWING EDGE OF SELF-DISCOVERY

PRACTICES AND PERSPECTIVES

ON COURAGE AND COMMITMENT

Second Edition

"Courage is not a virtue or value among other personal values like love or fidelity. It is the foundation that underlies and gives reality to all other virtues and personal values."

The word courage comes from the same stem as the French word Coeur, meaning "heart."

"In human beings courage is necessary to make being and becoming possible. An assertion of the self, a commitment, is essential if the self is to have any reality."

“This courage will not be the absence of despair; … rather [it will be] the capacity to

move ahead in spite of despair.”

Rollo May, The Courage to Create

Would you be surprised to learn that many Harvard College students suffer from "fear of failure?" Why? Because they have never, ever actually experienced failure. Surprised? Don't be! It turns out that the "fear" of failure is far more painful than failure itself.

Thomas Jefferson said "I failed my way to success."

Prof. Robert Kegan of the Harvard University Graduate School of Education uses an exercise in his class (Adult Development) called "Personal Commitment, Responsibility, Inner Contradiction and Uncovering the Big Assumptions that Have us."

Essentially, the exercise is designed to evoke the unconscious fears (such as those listed below), which we are all committed to “not experiencing” because Kegan believes “people grow through experiencing their [inner] contradictions.” Being aware of this “good problem” Kegan asserts, “…makes us change our minds.”

EGO FEARS

Rejection Being Conned

Success Helplessness

FailureDisapproval

Being vulnerableLoss of Image

From the book by Susan Jeffers

“Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway”

Whenever I do this exercise with members of my class, most are surprised and relieved that others share the very same fears as they do. The fear of failure and the fear of rejection are especially present whenever one is at the growing edge.

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Carol Pearson, Archetypal Psychologist and author of "Awakening The Heroes Within" writes about the process of human development and the array of fears [see below] encountered and overcome by all those committed to joining the forward movement of their own life and destiny:

THE TWELVE ARCHETYPES AND THE FEARS THAT NEED TO BE OVERCOME

Innocent Abandonment

Orphan Exploitation

Warrior Weakness

Caregiver Selfishness

Seeker Conformity

Lover Loss of Love

Destroyer Annihilation

Creator Inauthenticity

Ruler Chaos

Magician Evil Sorcery

Sage Deception

Fool Nonaliveness

From the book by Carol Pearson

“Awakening the Heroes Within”

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And for all those who consciously choose the “less traveled path,” they will be forced to turn back unless they cultivate Courage, that foundational virtue upon which one constructs a true life, the one that is innately theirs, alone. All stories of such a quest share this initiation:

Overcoming the Fear of Fear Through the Cultivation of Courage.

When I arrived at such place in the very early days of my quest, I was enormously grateful when I came upon the work of Susan Jeffers, author of “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” and found her Five Truths about Fear a helpful dose of reality:

"1. The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.

2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out . . . and do it.

3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out . . . and do it.

4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is

everyone else.

5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from

a Feeling of helplessness."

She recommended this self-affirmation whenever fear of any kind arose within:

“I’ll handle it.”

Practicing this self-affirmation proved to be an effective process. Before long, I believed it because it was true.

Try it! If you actually believe it, it will grow your courage and self-esteem.

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“Existential anxiety is . . . not a symptom of something wrong, but … a summons to growth and to painful development. It is the healthy pain caused by the blocking of vital energies that still remain available for radical change.”

Thomas Merton

If you answer this ancient summons, and make the growth choice in the presence of fear, you’ll never regret it!

Angela Maffeo

The schedule for the Day of Self-Discovery Programs at Radcliffe for 2006 and 2007 is:

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Visit - www.discoveryourpsychologicaltype.org. for information

Email your comments and questions to: amaffeo@post.harvard.edu